Overwhelmed

Recently, I have been quite overwhelmed by God. Like really.

I have been receiving lots of thoughts on directions, in fact, I think a bit too much. And I’m in that “thinking” mood.

And it has been some time since QT has been so alive and productive.

Sometimes I’m afraid of telling others what direction I’m heading, including some friends in church. Because sometimes I’m so afraid that I totally misinterpreted your message. And at the end, it will turn out to be a totally different thing. And then it will be like, “oh man…”.

But at the same time, I think I’m confident in the direction where God is leading me towards. Because I’m assured by you. Whenever I think, I cannot really deny how that wasn’t from you.

And today, I was feeling so joyful during praise and worship that I felt a bit weird. Like “erm… this is a weird emotion, it seems lost for quite some time”.

Haha. But God, you will challenge me in more ways than ever. You will mould me in more ways than ever.

Treasures in clay. Yea man. Walk by faith. Yes, God.

Parents

Today was MAF, or rather about less than an hour ago. Haha.

Went to marina barrage to join my parents and their friends for a gathering. Basically, drank tea, ate mooncakes and other food. And just chit chatted.

This group of aunties and uncles have basically seen me growing up, ever since young. And I’m thankful for them. Because I think my childhood was great with them and their children.

But tonight, only 2 of us, I mean the younger generation were there listening to them talk.

It’s actually quite understandable, because our younger generation don’t meet up that often and it often takes some time to warm up. But usually, at the end of the day, we would have lots of fun together. I mean, gone overseas pretty many times last time, and children are just easy to mix around. So we are kind of close in a sense.

It has been some time since I last saw these uncles aunties too.

Anyway, that’s besides the point.

What struck me was rather, that they were getting old.

One was panting after carrying the chinese tea set and the equipment for some distance. One almost fell while trying to sit on the floor, and needed help in getting up. Not to say that a few bellies were popping up.

What I’m trying to say is, our parents are getting older. And we as children need to do sth.

I think we all know that we need to be fillial kids. But do we really know?

If you aren’t a good child now, and you think, “aiyah, it’s ok. When I start working I will give more time to my family and I can also support my parents.”

Mind you, whenever we say, “wait till….”, it will never come.

If you don’t even have the heart to take care of your parents in the small things now, what makes you think you can take care of them in the big things?

We need to start practising how to care for our parents, to really observe them, know what they want. And not wait for 10 years down the road and start asking, “erm, dad, what do you like to eat ha?”

We need to start assuming more responsibilities at home. We need to start taking charge. Because we want to be prepared.

So anyone who’s reading this, can I urge you to be a better child tomorrow. Perhaps simple things like telling your parents where you are going, sitting down with them for a mere 5 more minutes than usual, is a good start.

For those with not too happy families, can I just hope that you will try to show love? Maybe your dad or mum don’t really care about you, but I think it’s important we love them. Because love can change things. Seriously. And I think if we don’t, we will grow to regret some day.

So why not just take a minute, to think what small changes you can make to your life, to start learning to be someone who can take care of your parents, be it emotionally, financially (being thrifty), spiritually, physically?

And start practising.

2 years old

It has been 2 years. And God, I think this year has been tough and really a time of pruning and trials. There are times when I really dao you. But God, you have been really faithful.

Faithful in both the big things and the small things. Never early, never late, but on time.

These 2 years are only the beginning. And if I live till say, 70 years, haha, I still have about 50 years more to go. God, help me to become the vessel you want me to be. Let me discover more and more of you. And at this point of time when I’m making important decisions about my life, I pray for humility and surrender to you. Not my own selfish ambitions, but you. For your plans are greater than mine.

And sth that I really want to say to some people around me.

NS is here for a reason. You are not in NS for nothing. There’s a meaning behind it. So let’s not always complain and why not use these 2 years to grow ourselves? It’s tough to imagine that there’s a greater purpose behind NS, but there is. Try seeing the meaning?

By the way, I’m not advertising NS or anything hor. Haha.

God, thank you for your love. Thank you for being so personal.  Thank you for never giving up on each and everyone of us. May I grow to shine.

For all you’ve done
Don Moen

For all You’ve done
For all You’re going to do
We give You thanks
And lift our praise to You

We give thanks
We give praise
For we know
That all things work together
For our good
We give thanks
We give praise
For by faith
We know Your grace
Will see us through

For all those things
That we don’t understand
We come by faith
And place them in Your hands

Even if we stumble
Even if we fall
You will not forsake us
You are King and Lord of all
Lord of all

Grandma

This is a bit late. Abt two weeks have passed since grandma passed away. And I just want to post sth in remembrance of her.

Some things i would always remember about her:

- She’s always the first to give us angbaos on CNY. The first to give us blessings every year.

- She would buy breakfast for us every saturday, without fail. Even when we said there’s really no need. But she still does. That’s how concerned she’s about whether we have eaten or not. It’s almost predictable what she will buy: carrot cake, kueh, vegetarian bee hoon.

- How she single-handedly brought up 3 children by selling fish, since my father was only abt 3 yrs old, after my grandpa passed away

- Screaming at the top of her voice to make us stop fighting. I mean when my siblings and I were much younger la. And such fights happen everyday. She would often take the cane and hit on the wall to scare us. But the cane never came onto us.

- She would always ask when I’m going back to camp. And she would always say bye-bye to me whenever I go back to camp, not staying in her room, sleeping or anything.

-Her longan baiguo soup. It’s sth that will always remind me of her.

- How she would wait outside my kindergarten everyday for me to shit in my pants, so she can bring me home to change. (basically, throughout nursery, I think I too scared to ask teacher or sth, I would just shit in my pants everyday, and it brought the sch constant trouble. Haha.) This is sth between me and her only.

The last time I left the house, I didn’t get a chance to say bye to her. Cause she was asleep, sitting on a chair, with a pillow at her back, cause it’s just too painful for her to lie down and have a good nap.

Ah ma, you are dearly loved.

Block leave

I decided to join hccg today for cg since I’m having my block leave.

And, the cg was really very ministering. Nothing extraordinary, not like we had some explosive games, or like a keyboard for worship. lol. But, God’s presence was there. And God is all you need.

And I think God spoke through Samuel a lot.

We were talking about serving God, why we do so, some of our struggles etc.

And this thing struck me. I think it has always been somewhere in my mind, but Samuel put it into words for me.

More often than not, it’s when you don’t exactly have so called “church responsibilities” like shepherding a sheep, certain ministry etc, that your spiritual life is really called to the test. Will you still serve out of your own accord? Will you still serve purely because you love God? Will you still choose to stick to God, purely because you want to? It’s at such a time that God would purify your motives further and develop the r/p.

And during church camp, I talked a bit with eileen. And eileen said, “woah, faith issue, very xiong leh.”

And I was like, oh ya hor, no wonder it has been so xiong. Haha. But I want to know that God can be seeked in all circumstances, even during hardships. Yep.

[Ephesians 6:12]
“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

Spiritual warfare is very real. And everyone is involved in it, whether you like it or not.

God, you have challenged me greatly this year and there are times when I really struggle. I’m still struggling. But I pray that I will struggle powerfully. I pray that I will seek you and draw so much closer to you. Your child is still learning to walk, and often he will get lost. But dear father, I pray that I will cling onto you for dear life.

Because you are all that matters.

I hope that you will enjoy the 2 videos whether you are a believer or not. The kids one is really cute to start with.

[Hebrews 12:7-11]
“Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? ⁸If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. ⁹Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! ¹⁰Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. ¹¹No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

I want to complete my NS loving God more And God, i need your grace.

Oops

Shit. Ytd God just slapped something right into my face. Sth unexpected. In a really unexpected way too.

Ahh.

Water-walking

Haha. Have been reading this water-walking book for like quite some time. It’s really thought-provoking. And has got many insights that I never used to think about.

But well, I just love John Ortberg’s books! haha.

As I’m thinking about what I want to do after NS and all, this sentence brought some focus in me.

“Walking on the water is not about some great thing you will do. In fact, by yourself, you can do nothing of lasting value. It is about what God longs to do with you by His power and grace.”

I was kind of like “oh ya hor”. That it’s never about how great that thing is, especially when we measure it with the world’s ruler. But rather, water-walking is about cooperation with God.

“A career is about upward mobility; a calling generally leads to downward mobility.”

To grow in faith, is not to muster more faith. But to know God more. And because God is faithful, your trust in Him grows. I need to let God work in more areas in my life, then I will be able to experience Him on a greater level.

It’s not easy, but you rather start than stone.

Block leave

Haha. It has been such a long time since I’ve been here that I almost went to blogspot instead of wordpress.

But well, there it is, block leave. 1 week plus sounds rather nice, but not when it’s deducted from the amout of leave you have for the year. Haha.

But anyway, just thought I would share a verse that really spoke to me at the start of my block leave. Have been kind of struggling with some spiritual habits recently. Kind of the pressure of applications, catching-ups with friends could quite easily take the focus away from hearing from God. Reading his word.

[James 1:25]
“But the truly happy people are those who carefully study God’s perfect law that makes people free, and they continue to study it. They do not forget what they heard, but they obey what God’s teaching says. Those who do this will be made happy.”

I can’t really comprehend what the “happy” means yet. But well, if I can comprehend this happiness now, it’s not really that happy right?  And I know that obedience brings blessings, and I have experienced that before. As I know God deeper and deeper, the sense of freedom would get greater too bah.

The Word is the truth. And the truth will set you free.

On one hand, I’m thankful for being able to meet up with so many friends over this leave.

Love

[1 Corinthians 13:1-3]
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. “

What if you had everything you wanted, but not love?

Lord, help me to grow in love. Help me to be less selfish, less inward-looking.

Help me to discover your loving nature too.

I want to be more honest before God too.

Have been meditating on the love chapter in the bible for the past 2 weeks in camp. I am still rather lost when it comes to love I suppose. Having many questions and all. But God never fails to calm me and take me step by step. 

To all the tekong guys out there, jia you with NS! And all the others, jia you with work, fun, etc. Haha. And take care!

Transition

Haha. I was seriously a bit caught off guard at the rate of transition. perhaps I was too low in anticipation. Haha. On fri, I got news I’m attending uni-ya service on sat, then I went for my first ns cg on sunday.

The speed is rather fast. And it left me thinking, that so many things are going to change in the upcoming year. Entering ns, making new friends, keeping in contact with current friends, ministry etc. And I was a little fearful.

But then God reminded me, everything changes, but God remains constant. And because of that, I will be able to deal with these changes, maybe not quickly, but surely.

Thank God my previous week went pretty well. Haha. It was crazy with so many meet-ups. And it was really a great time. I almost lost count of my priorities in the middle of the week.  Sorry it was a bit rush here and there.

After having 2 consecutive days of BBQ food, I really need to take care of my throat. To think I said, I’m watching my diet so that i won’t get too heaty before I enter ns…